February 2012
2 posts
Hurts the same when nobody knows...
Drowning would be easier.
Trying to breathe, to catch that breath as the water holds you down and slips around every part of you. Around each strand of hair and through each pore until you don’t know where you end and it begins. Your chest just wants to explode and your whole body aches for something just beyond your reach. You feel the pain behind your eyes and it doesn’t make a...
I’m a thousand miles away from home
I’m an ocean away from all I knew
I’m a houndred years from what I was
I’m another world away from you
December 2011
1 post
1 tag
I had my cake and ate it too.
Sometimes I turn into an ugly person I don’t recognise Lost in layers of exhaustion dusted with frustration that leave nothing but a bitter taste. I can’t help but feed off the decay of others around me Til I cant shake off the sour look I feel decorating my face
a sugar high…and then you crash I had my cake and ate it too.
November 2011
1 post
Push everyone away. Move on to a new place. To do the same thing all over again.
August 2011
7 posts
3 tags
There is no easy way out.
Your walking down a path. It’s well lit. There’s hat-stand trees in their winter jackets standing at attention as you walk by You can’t say you don’t know where your going - there’s signs Warnings posted in red letters across benches meant for warmer times While the crunching snow beneath your feet reminds you that you’re heading south. Don’t say your compass broke - we both know. And it...
2 tags
And the worst part is thinking it might never...
At night the sheets seem to catch me in their trap - legs bound, I toss and turn, trying to fight off the memories that inundate me with their images, of a thousand past regrets. I feel their haunting steps pushing me further from sleep, away from happiness, away from bliss. I watch as moonlight breaks through the blinds leaving streaks across my covers, causing shivers to creep up my spine no...
Your heart is counting down it’s beats While your lungs never seem to fill But that hole in your chest has nothing to do with death.
And yet, he’s gone.
1 tag
And the sad thing is...I know I'll look for you in...
Can we go back to the start? Before everything fell apart. Before I pushed the boundaries that still weren’t strong enough to hold from the pressure of being formed I see myself, this hurricane of destruction coming at a distance, already spinning, in an effort to get you to fight to hold on to a hand that you haven’t yet clasped. Walls can crumble, mistakes washed away with the...
2 tags
Window shopping.
I thought I knew what it was. The look of it, the taste of it, the feeling. I thought I knew what it meant. The hope, the joy, the warmth. I thought I knew how it went. The beginning of it, the middle and the never ending end. I thought I knew what it was like to be… But I was just looking through a window. And as my handprint fades upon the glass, I thought I knew.
“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.” Albert Einstein.
July 2011
3 posts
2 tags
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
I read back over old words I wrote the years before, as memories of a different face inflicting the same wound keeps drifiting through. ‘cause that’s it. you’re now just one more memory that I want to relive, that time will soon choose to replace, even as the clock slows when we feel we cannot wait.
But you’re so much better at letting go, on a scale it means what I...
3 tags
Please, just keep turning that knife.
It entered just under my ribcage, lodging itself in my muscles and sinew. It was a good stab - hit it’s mark without severing any vital links in life’s liquid loop, which was the point. You didn’t want it to kill me on impact. I didn’t notice it at first. I went along as normal, as the handle protruded from my chest, each slight knock enough to make me wince, while getting...
June 2011
3 posts
If I could pull myself together I'd try.
He flicked his gaze at her like he’d tap the ash from the tip of his cigarette, off hand, automatic, and he knew he was in.
Her cat like eyes stripped him bare as they worked down his frame skinny jeans and a leather jacket that he’d just thrown on, his faint surfers glow, he was confidant in the knowledge that what she saw was enough, and she wasn’t hot enough to be picky. Her...
Burnt toast.
“it’s like the smell of burnt toast. You made the toast. You looked forward to it. You even enjoyed making it, but it burned. What were you doing? Was it your fault? It really doesn’t matter anymore. You open the window but only the very top layer of the smell goes away. The rest remains around you. It’s on the walls. You leave the room but it’s on your clothes. You...
Someone needs to speed up time...
Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg for you back? Cos I will. I’d tell you that I’ve been trying to fill the space you left but it’s too big and I don’t know how to make it go away. I’d actually cry if you wanted me too. If I thought it would make a difference kneeling in the dirt praying that you’d somehow change your mind. But it won’t make a...
May 2011
1 post
Is it about me? As your fingers stroke each key with ease, an affectionate flick on the way to another paragraph, your hands racing to keep up with your buzzing mind your words tumbling from each fingerprint another sentence that can be traced back to the source. Can I pretend it is? As you write about a girl with hair like mine and hint at things you said that time when I lay wrapped inside your...
April 2011
1 post
So when’s the shoe going to drop? It’s too soon, too new. And there’s always coins falling from the sky, landing on both sides. So which one is yours and mine?
January 2011
2 posts
The colour white.
It’s a song. A shirt. A memory. It’s a lyric he once wrote. A car he once drove. A meal he once cooked. It’s each page of the book he once lent. The sand he brushed away And the cups that held his coffee. It’s the shot he once poured down my throat. The laughter he helped spill from my lips And the phone screen lit with each love note. It’s the teeth my tongue slipped between. My skin when...
As sure as the floor meets my toes...
Your muscles strain under the weight of the bricks I keep throwing at you Each one heavier than the last as its layered with each piece of history I cannot forget and drenched in the words that I never seem to vocalise
Because each time I get close enough to help you with the load you throw daggers in the form of words that never miss their mark and so I scramble back to where I always seem to...
December 2010
1 post
It's all fucked up. And it's all my fault.
It was December 2nd the day I became a slut, or the early hours of the morning after. It was the day that my finger wasn’t enough to satisfy the ache between my legs, or the rigid nipples on my chest, and I knew, without knowing that I needed worth beside me.
He was a poet, a good one. My broken heart that had been nursing old wounds was taken and placed on a page with his hand, everything I...
August 2010
1 post
I pray that something lifts me up...
Solemnly i dance with melting fingertips that brush snow from weary strands of hair in circles around cotton meadows while calling softly out your name
A spell woven through hospitality softens not the blow of the arrows pierce as hope for smiles upon an angels face rest upon mine while blood flees from me
For hat stand trees are all that waits with me while covered in their woolen jumpers that...
February 2010
1 post
If your using me, do it slowly...make it last.
Colours hide in disguise as many shades of one, as the crowd comes rushing in my buzz in sync with the neon that spells my name above our heads as everything I own stands on show and everybody wants a peice, capacity is almost reached. And so the songs slip by us, the heartbeat of the creature the dance floor makes us become and I look around the room and see the crowd, each person holding a...
January 2010
2 posts
Another sleepless night while I contemplate...
I wage battles with the remnants of you. a broken touch, a blood stained hand, as I try to remove you from my dreams the ones where your touch would mean eternity and waking does not ache.
…Another beating heart wrapped up in your sheets.
December 2009
1 post
Not even the ground can keep us down...
Click click click click
Her hazard lights click as though they are in a hurry the constant sound melding with the incesant beeping from the pedistrian crossing 20 feet away.
Click click click click Beep. Beep. Beep.
A slight pain before her eyes droop and relief floods through her while she discards all thoughts of where she sits, contentment growing with each exhale as the lights change...
September 2009
7 posts
Searching for warmth...
And my heart wonders how much longer it has to be alone
while my body aches as the space beside me remains cold
yet I’m no fewer steps closer to where I’m meant to be
and whoevers waiting out there is no fewer steps closer to me
and I lie awake at night thinking of all the lucky people
wondering why I could be so wrong, a walking mess
yet nothing changes
As time moves by and...
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage...
While I lead you down dark and twisty paths that don’t feel right
I stand here trying to find myself in all the different faces
so that rampant thoughts of strange beginnings and lost everythings
are floating in heads other than my own.
‘Cause I don’t want to be set apart as different, only extraordainary
but strange is all I seem to be.
So teeth remain clamped and I work...
I wish I had x-ray vision to read the thoughts in...
Sometimes I wonder if life would be better without you
but then I wonder how a day would be without the sun.
Sweeping glances over draped frames, just another ‘maybe if’
In another world off where the pretty people are,
is that where you go? ’Cause I don’t want to walk down that road.
So when did life bring rainclouds to rain on my parade…?
I learnt long ago to...
Life's so much better in my head...
The pen hovered, anticipating, above the page as she stared at the scene: her hand, the pen and the absence of words while she searched for comfort amongst the pre-owned previously written passages tattooed inside her head…
…butterflies turn to pounding as the thought crossed her mind that everything she could be is only an unreachable dream and that maybe the cold chill should take...
Not everything makes sense...
And these walls surround halls that lead to rooms with hidden locks so intricate I can’t open them, so how can I expect you too?
And how long can I expect you to stick around to try?
As heart beats flutter by and I’m too scared to meet your eyes, in case I see something that makes me fall from higher platforms…
…in case you leave me there.
And I wonder how much more my heart can flutter by before it stops from loneliness; a life gone, all alone.
Just not how I came off the assembly line...
Maybe its that I like the chase but stop before the fall
So hearts don’t grow light and butterflies dissapear before I lose a part of me
or give anything away
But I wonder how fair it could be to take everything and leave you there with empty hands
just as he once did to me
So should I leave you now and let the pretence fall?
Or stay and pretend, while lies and love slip through your...
July 2009
1 post
May 2009
1 post
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in...
For all of you who know me, you’ll know I’m a huge advocate for education. Whether it be the education system here, in America or Africa, I truly believe the way to make this world a better place is through the education of every person on this planet. Not only through the basics, math, reading and writing, I’m also talking about the education of ADULTS around the world about...
February 2009
1 post
Some things are far too good...too go ahead and...
Lights flick and glow along the avenue that on weekends you call your home. The place where shoes follow crooked lines on even pavement while warm smiles and velvet words lure you into darkened doorways There is always more then one life and this is one of yours. Heads light and hearts high beneath the technicolour lights. Then one night you found me there. Sometimes even good girls get drawn in...
December 2008
3 posts
Soaked through. Desperate for sun.
The walls I worked for so long to build, crumble when you’re around. Paint stripped, layers exposed to elements I had long forgotten. But you already know that. Each day I try to keep myself together while you pretend that you’re trying to do the same. Running circles around hearts I thought could not be touched.Pretending that its not, hoping that yours is too. But we already know its not....
Go ahead. Take everything I've got.
I wander through each room. Searching for a hint of colour amongst the beige that fills each identical house, knowing that underneath the right angles and colour schemes, secrets lurk in cupboards and under the welcome mat - hidden behind happy snaps and forced smiles. Small squares grow with fears of what’s outside beige walls. But I liked colour too much. So happy girls become sad teenagers....
Amongst all the awesomeness that is life...
Everyday begins the same. Eyes wide to escape the image of you tatooed behind closed eyes. Dressing with thoughts of you in mind, in the hopes I see more than sliding eyes and a smile that is never mine.
Giving pieces of myself away to people who don’t even know. Only ever fragments of a life I’m sleepwalking through. And when the screaming stops, the silence is one houndred times...
November 2008
1 post
The Long Train Ride Home...
Another tried and failed writing task - I’m not a big fan of this one, but its a complete story so I figured I would post it anyway, enjoy! I squash my school jumper into a ball and wedge it between my head and the window, blocking out the excited chatter flowing all around me and drift in and out of consciousness, lulled by the gentle rocking of the train. “Next stop Darlinghurst” I match...
October 2008
2 posts
Inherited Memories
Two posts in one day…lucky you. This story I wrote for creative writing…enjoy :) Inherited Memories I was 20 the first time I saw someone die. I watched as someone’s breathing slowed, my heart pounding as the gap between breaths lengthened, while each time thinking the one before was their last. It was as though all my senses were heightened; the horrible hospital smell that filled my...
I never felt so close, I was never so alone
Just something that I was working on for Creative writing…but I can’t use it so I thought I’d post it for you all to enjoy… She pauses, smoothing a shirt out onto the ironing board with a loving caress meant for its owner, before sighing and glancing at the clock on the wall. His favourite meal, roast beef, stands covered in the oven while a pair of candle sticks sit in...